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Amy's Insights

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(no subject) [Apr. 12th, 2006|11:58 pm]
Amy's Insights
"...If I look back and remember where (or what) I was and where I am right now, I can see how Jesus's hand was holding mine. Yes, I was hurt by people. I didn't have anything from my father but rejection. He didn't want me. He wanted a boy not me. I don't know if he hated me, but he acted like it. I didn't have any reasons to live. So I lived but I was dead inside.
...When I understood God's love, I could forgive my father. God's love is bigger than anything, Amy. It can overcome any wrong thing that anyone has ever done. Once you understand God's love you cannot do anything but accept it, and give it back to people around you. I couldn't do anything else but forgive and feel sorry for my father that he didn't know this love. And all of the sudden his words or fists didn't hurt so much.
...And I'm thankful that God allowed so much suffering in my life because that made me so hungry for His love and I accepted it.
...I noticed how hard it is for people like you to deal with suffering. You run away from it. It scares you and makes you feel uncomfortable. What I say does not fit with your life experience. You do not know where to place it. But it is there Amy! Even if you don't like it, it will always be there. Don't be afraid of suffering...
God's love is there too."
[From a dear, Romanian friend]
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break me [Oct. 6th, 2005|08:20 pm]
Amy's Insights
how can it not break me? how can my heart be so numb that i can’t even cry out after seeing mentally handicapped children who are treated like animals moan and wail to get their share of the cookies we’ve brought? why won’t my heart cry out when i see children who lay in cribs all day, craving a kiss? and why didn’t i sob when i saw a fourteen year old girl, feet the size of a newborn, no taller than a 2 year old, who spends her life lying in a crib?

why wasn’t i furious when i heard about the 16 year old from the girls orphanage who was encouraged to have an abortion last week?

why are my eyes so dry when i see children who rock back and forth, longing for someone to hold them, for someone to love them?

God, why is my heart so hard? soften it, Father. break me once again.
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romania update [Sep. 20th, 2005|09:43 pm]
Amy's Insights

Buna! Ce Faci? (hi, how are you?)

 

            It’s hard to believe that I have only been in Romania for a little over a week now.  It seems as though so much has already happened!

 

            My mom left on Saturday morning, after spending a full week with me here in Bucharest. It was wonderful to experience my first week here with her. Together we were able to visit some of the orphanages and spend time playing with the kids and just observing CTL’s ministry.  My mom also had the chance one day to do some baby massage with the infants and special needs children in orphanage number six. 

            Number six is where I have spent the most time so far.  CTL works with preschool age children and babies there as well as a few children with special needs.  It can be difficult working with these kids, because they have little freedom to be individuals and free time to play.  So when the CTL staff comes, they go wild!  This can be difficult when they are trying to teach the kids different lessons, tell them a bible story, or just play a structured game.  Also, there was one day when I spent time with the babies at number six.  This was somewhat hard for me to see.  The babies are kept in cribs in a few small rooms, one of which has a small carpet area to play on.  But they don’t get a ton of time where they are held, touched, nurtured, and played with. Though this was sad to me, I don’t really feel as though the reality of it has hit me yet.  In fact, most of this past week I have felt somewhat unemotional towards the things I have seen.  I don’t want to be numb to this, because I believe it breaks the heart of God.  Please pray that God would break me so that I might have passion to love the kids with His love.

 

            Some of the other orphanages I have visited include an all girls orphanage (Chitila), an all boys orphanage (Number 10), a rehab hospital, a day care center (Tei) and an orphanage that has both older girls and boys (Number 7).  I’ve also visited an apartment where about 6 or so kids live that are orphans and are supervised by orphanage workers.  I don’t really feel like I have had the chance to connect individually with many of the kids, but I’m sure that will come in time.  Some of you know me well and know that I really enjoy one-on-one interaction.  I did get a chance to do a little of that today with the girls at number 7...we just sat in there room and chatted for awhile.  I am excited especially to get to know some of the teen girls and hopefully have some deep conversations with them about their struggles and about the Hope that Christ offers.

 

I greatly appreciate all your prayers, and your emails with notes of encouragement!  Some specific things you can pray for are:

Adjustment to the culture:  Some things I am having trouble getting used to, especially the city life!

Passion for the ministry:  I don’t feel as passionate yet as I would like to.  Pray that I would set aside time with the Lord so I can grow closer to Him, and as a result have a heart like His for the children.

Hope admist the sadness:  I have a feeling it’s going to be a struggle for me to have a hopeful heart here, just because there are so many needs for these kids.  Especially as the weather changes (it’s getting cold already, and LOTS of rain!)  I’ve been feeling a bit down these past couple days.

Spiritual Growth with the staff: Please pray that there would be spiritual openness and intimacy with the staff so that we can encourage one another.  We have a retreat coming up Sept 29-30 that I am really excited about!

Comfort in God’s presence:  My roommate is gone until Saturday, so things are quiet here at my apartment.  It gets a bit lonely in the evenings!  It’s hard not having someone to “process” things with.  Pray that God would fill that void.  I am looking forward to a possible “girls night” with some of the CTL girls in a few days!!! I have spent a lot of time with Madalina who is 25, and I feel like I can connect with her really well.  We’ve had some great talks!

 

Thanks so much for faithfully lifting me up in prayer.  I can’t thank you enough. May God bless you for it!

Isus te uibeste!  (Jesus loves you!)

In Him,

Amy

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7 days [Aug. 31st, 2005|10:16 pm]
Amy's Insights
[mood |tiredtired]

In 7 days, i'll be leaving for romania.

for 6 months, i'll be spending time with babies, kids, and teens who have lived life without the blessing of a family of their own. sometimes i feel so inadequate to be the one to love them.

Father, won't you give me the strength to do it each day? won't you fill me up with your love to love on them? confirm in my heart that you have called me, and you will faithfully equip me for the task. do your work, Father.

and Lord, let me be like mary instead of martha. i want to sit at your feet in your presence as i prepare to leave, instead of worrying about so many details like martha. i give you control, Father. it will all come together in Your hands...and i know you will provide.
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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2005|12:31 am]
Amy's Insights
some questions in my mind tonight...

if one believes there is no God...then why even live at all? why do so many live when they believe it is all useless?

what is a life without purpose?
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(no subject) [Jun. 6th, 2005|11:50 pm]
Amy's Insights
[mood |okayokay]

this month has felt like a different world to me. i am now a graduate, and i really don't know how to act. i almost feel as though i have to adjust to life all over again. several of my friends have gotten married and are getting married, and i really don't know how to handle that either. i am so happy for all of them, but i don't even know how to have married friends. what does that look like? should things be different? should i expect things to be different? i have also switched churches, which has been weird but exciting. i have but a few close friends around right now, so that has been hard. i've realized that i was very spoiled at iwu, and those four years were wonderful yet too much unlike reality. never again in my life will i be surrounded by so many people that i can relate so well too. it was wonderful.

this month has been hard on me, i will admit. i haven't really had a lot to do, and i think that has affected a lot of things. life just sorta seems "stuck" right now.

yet, in the distant somewhere i can hear God speaking to me. "I am here, Amy" just over and over again in my head. "I am doing a new thing, Amy" I hear Him say this, and excitement and hope begins to well up in me. i know he is Faithful to keep His promises. no matter how far away He seems at times in our lives, He is still there. it's amazing that if we simply ask Him to do things in our lives, that seem impossible or crazy, He can and will do it. lately i have been asking Him to restore a love for Him in my heart. i have felt this past month it seem to fade, and i miss it. i miss the joy and passion that i had grown a lot this year to have for my Father. yet sure as i began to ask God this these last few weeks...there has been a seed planted in my heart. He is giving me love for Him once again, in the simplest ways. through people i meet that are in love with Him, through His Word, through everything...

i want it to penetrate from my heart, so that the world knows that it is He who i am living for...
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(no subject) [Mar. 23rd, 2005|02:20 pm]
Amy's Insights
[mood |gratefulgrateful]
[music |Tim Hughes]

it's been awhile, i know...sorry.

wow. i have been blown away these past couple weeks by the visible power of God in peoples' lives. I have been blessed to meet new people and interact with old friends who i can see the joy of Christ visibly in their eyes, and hear it in their voice. how amazing it is for me to see that God can work so mightily in people that they were completely different than what they once were not long ago.
when i was in Sri Lanka less than two weeks ago, we were able to meet people who had survived the tsunami disaster. we heard their stories...some ran and ran, some climbed trees, one climbed on a tractor. all lost all they had...some lost even all of their families. but what was amazing to me was to hear the testimonies of a particular family, all of whom are Christians in a nation where only 5% claim to be believers, and how they still have the peace of Christ and are praising God despite all that they've been through. amazing! who is this God, that has the power to give us joy and peace NO MATTER WHAT the circumstance??? these people, who the day after had to clean up the dead bodies of loved ones, and went through a day of terrible tragedy and witnessed terrible things, were singing songs of praise with us last week and lifting up prayers of thanks to our Lord. thank you God, for that blessing, thank you God, for those beautiful people who taught me more than they realize.

and the blessings continue...just last night and this afternoon i was able to talk to 2 friends of mine, one from home and one from here at school, who have been learning tremendous things about God in the past couple weeks. what an encouragement to me...i could tell just by talking to them that God was beginning a new work in them. a move from the complacent life, to being just "okay", to now being passionate about the Lord, so much that they can't hold it inside. i want to be like that...i want to be so full of HIM that i can't hold it inside. i want to have His joy that radiates from my heart, so that other people can know HIM too. life is so much different when we recognize His purposes in it all! God is so much bigger than we let Him be in our lives. what would our lives look like if we gave it ALL to God, and expected Him to move in mighty ways?

How can I ever deny Him, doubt Him, or forget Him? logical or not, I have seen Him move in my life in ways beyond description. thank you God, for being a God of the impossible. You are so beautiful....

"may i never lose the wonder of the blood you shed for me..."
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poetry [Feb. 13th, 2005|11:42 pm]
Amy's Insights
[mood |calmcalm]

"Walking on the Impossible"

Fear clenches my heart.
I stare.
Waiting, not wanting
to take that step of faith
Climbing over boundaries,
breaking down walls.

I can see His majesty.
I stare,
at gentle eyes.
Waiting, wanting
me to take that step of faith.
Coming to Him,
giving Him my broken heart

Something about Him gives me the strength
to jump.
Walking, not waiting
Onto the water,
Into a new world.
I stare
at his gentle eyes,
I hold my gaze for a moment

My heart doubts,
my eyes look away.
My Lord calls me, but no--
my trust in Him is lost
For only a moment….

Why did you doubt,
My child, my beloved?
Always, always,
waiting for you. Wanting you.
All of you.
Trust.
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(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2005|09:00 pm]
Amy's Insights
[mood |peacefulpeaceful]

I feel like there are a lot of things going on in my life right now. Two of the main things being that not long ago I found out that I have been accepted to intern in Romania in the fall, and yesterday I found out that I have a chance to go to Sri Lanka with an IWU team for spring break to minister to the tsunami victims, provided that God supplies the money for the plane tickets by friday! wow, how do I even process it all? I want to fall more in love with the Lord yet I feel as though it is so easy for me to become lukewarm. I try to fix everything by making my circumstances better, but I realize its an internal thing. You can have the perfect life yet not be satisfied if you aren't drawing strength from the Lord and have a relationship with the Lord. I was reminded of that last night as I worshipped Him, all the world seemed to fade away and only He was there. He reminded me of how much He loves me and longs to bless me, and longs for me to love Him back. He is so beautiful! How easy it is to get caught up in the things of this world. How easy is it for us to forget how big of a God we serve. He can do anything! I limit Him so much.
And can I add, that the body of Christ is beautiful? When God is working in people's hearts, he leads them to do amazing things. I have experienced several blessings today from my friends... i am honored and humbled.
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(no subject) [Dec. 30th, 2004|11:29 pm]
Amy's Insights
My sister Melissa and I want to go to southeast Asia sometime soon on a short missions trip. Anyone interested or know of any teams already planning on going? My spring break is the first week in March, that's the only time soon i could go. They have suffered so much this past week and we just want to share with them the hope of Christ. I can't imagine that 117,000 people (and counting) have died. It doesn't even seem real.
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